


Your Horoscope For Today

by merycula (thanksillpass)



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 14:53:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2511671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanksillpass/pseuds/merycula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takao writes horoscopes for the university's newspaper and Midorima is not happy with how inaccurate they are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Horoscope For Today

**Author's Note:**

  * For [clockworkmoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkmoon/gifts).



Shintarou didn’t think much when he discovered an issue of the university’s paper lying innocently on their kitchen counter. The wisest decision would be simply to ignore it, but he couldn’t help being curious about the horoscopes. He only trusted Oha Asa because every other source was blatant fiction, but he never passed an opportunity for professional comparison.

Sipping on his herbal tea, he put down his lucky item of the day (a monkey key-chain) and reached for the newspaper. Unhurriedly, he found the right section and started reading. With every word registering with his brain, Midorima’s eyes slowly widened in shock, his face gradually acquiring the color of a ripe tomato.

He wasn’t easily thrown off balance. The best proof of that was that he accepted his roommate without too much fuss (he hadn’t taken legal action yet, had he), acknowledging it as the universe testing him. Kise Ryouta was possibly the most annoying person in the entire country, maybe even world, who happened to have chosen the same university as Shintarou, and they ended up rooming together – only fate could have been so ruthlessly cruel.

Point in case, Midorima was remarkably good at keeping his cool at all times, and the fact Kise was still alive was all the evidence one could require.

“Is this a joke?!” he yelled, waving the paper right in front of Kise’s confused face. “This level of incompetency is unacceptable! I need to speak with the dean immediately!”

“What are you talking about, Midorimacchi?” whined Kise, eyes wide. “It’s Yukiocchi’s paper and her sport’s section is _amazing!_ So stop being mean and give it back if you don’t like it!”

Shintarou sighed in exasperation at Kise’s slowness. “I’m not talking about your little girlfriend’s article,  moron! I’m talking about the horoscope section! Who’s responsible for this? This is pure outrage!”

“Huh?! How should _I_ know, Midorimacchi! And don’t call her that! If she ever hears you, she’ll get angry at _me!_ She will kick _me!_ ”

“Look at this, you fool!” ordered Midorima, thrusting the opened pages in Kise’s face. “It says that all Cancers need to do in order to have a nice day is to keep up a smile! It’s preposterous! Cancers rank ninth today and need the help of the lucky item to even survive this day unscathed! The charlatan writing for this joke of a newspaper could be a potential threat to people’s lives!”

Kise gaped at him as he fumed, panting heavily and crumbling the cursed paper in his shaking hands. Finally, realizing he would not find understanding with Kise, he threw the newspaper on the floor and stomped out of the dorm room, leaving Kise frantically salvaging the paper. Offended, Shintarou vowed to get to the bottom of this, even it was the last thing he did.

He wasn’t naive – he knew not many people ascribed so much value to zodiac signs and fate as Midorima did. However, just because people like Kise naively accepted horoscopes as mere entertainment, it didn’t mean Shintarou had to agree with their feeble logic. Admittedly, he did allow Kise to talk him out of taking drastic actions at some point.

He kept reading the section every day in order to make sure that things haven’t gone too far, though. It seemed harmless enough most of the time, mostly nonsense about the power of positive thinking, but Midorima had to draw the line at the most outrageously incorrect and offensive description of his own zodiac sing in the special Halloween issue.

 

> **_MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. A Cancer’s love is one of a kind… Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative person; most artists are insane, respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An ultimate freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most Cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with passion beyond compare. Spontaneous. Not a fighter, but will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to!_ **

Mortification, second-hand embarrassment, frustration, anger – all those emotions were boiling inside Shintarou, painting his entire face red and making his body grow uncomfortably hot. That _monstrosity_ was the last drop – Midorima was entering a warpath.

 

* * *

 

 

Takao liked to think of himself as a good-natured and understanding man, and prided himself in being able to laugh at nearly everything. It was a _skill_ to laugh freely in a world full of weirdoes who made you _weep_ for humanity. Those of weak will might be inclined to call him an asshole, but they were miserable people. If you asked Kazunari, wars happened because people laughed too little.

Still, somehow, he found it impossible to laugh at what was currently before his eyes. Perhaps it was pure shock impairing his ability joke about the content and the tone of the message he’s just received. His disbelief prompted him to read the email again and again until his eyes couldn’t get any wider, but the message didn’t look any less rude _or_ ridiculous.

 

> _**Takao Kazunari. Remove yourself from your post immediately. The despicable lies you come up with in the farce you call the horoscope section in your joke of a newspaper are suggestive of brain damage. I recommend a visit to a specialist. With no regard, Midorima Shintarou.** _

He scratched his head, letting out an impressed huff, and slowly turned his chair towards the chief editor. Kasamatsu-san was focused on the screen; her brows drawn up in concentration as her fingers skimmed the keyboard of the laptop effortlessly. She made a soft noise indicating she was listening, even though he hadn’t said a word yet. She was seriously the coolest person Takao had ever met in his life.

Most boys probably had male role models but they clearly never read the articles in Kasamatsu Yukio’s sport section. They attended the same high school and Kazunari couldn’t have been more happy to discover he coincidentally chose the same university as well. He immediately joined the newspaper’s staff and didn’t even _like_ writing that much – he just wanted to bask in her glory.

“Kasamatsu-senpai,” he drawled eventually. “What would you do if you got a very angry email from a reader?”

Kasamatsu-san hummed, not tearing her eyes off the screen. “You got a letter of complaint about the _horoscope section?_ Really? I’m impressed.”

“More like a subtle death threat…” corrected Takao, wincing. “It’s very impolite, too… I wouldn’t peg someone called Midorima Shintarou as rude. He’s definitely not a Cancer, let me tell you this much.”

Kasamatsu raised an eyebrow and finally looked at him, mouthing the name Kazunari’s mentioned. She got up instantly and walked over, leaning over his shoulder to read the message. She looked extremely confused when she finally straightened up, and stared into the space, her hands resting on her hips. Suddenly, she burst out laughing and clapped Takao on the back energetically.

“You’re a true journalist now, Takao!”

Kazunari whined softly. “Senpai, I’m just making up horoscopes for extra credit... It’s not something I want to die for…”

“You’re not gonna die, kid. He is Kise’s roommate. Annoying, but harmless, trust me. Just remember to be ‘respectfully firm’ when you reply.”

Takao hummed curiously when Kasamatsu-san went back to her desk. It sounded like a good advice that he, unfortunately, didn’t feel like taking – it was getting late, he hadn’t eaten anything since lunch, and his first class the next day was starting at an ungodly hour. He quickly typed exactly five words and one emoticon before sending the reply, grinning smugly at Kasamatsu’s raised eyebrow.

“That was fast for ‘respectfully firm,’ Takao,” she noticed suspiciously.

Kazunari shrugged, still smiling. “What can I say, senpai, I have a gift~!”

Kasamatsu-san narrowed her eyes as she slowly rose from her seat yet again and sauntered over to Takao’s desk. After one brief glance at the screen, she slapped her hand over her eyes, groaning like she was dying, her face instantly red from embarrassment. Senpai was not pleased, that much was obvious from her wild flailing and unintelligible grunting – he had never seen her react like that to anyone but Kise.

That was unfortunate, of course, but Kazunari found it hilarious, and that was, ultimately, the only thing that mattered. He placed a hand on the top of the lid and took one last proud look at his reply before closing the laptop.

 

> _**lol get a life loser ;)** _

 

* * *

 

 

To say that Midorima was fuming would be an understatement. He was furious, his ego mortally wounded, but not as much as his sense of justice. That simpleton was mocking not only him personally, but the entire notion of fate, and that was something Shintarou could not ever forgive.

Before he knew, he was exchanging email with Takao on daily basis, always trying a different approach – threatening, reasoning, lecturing, begging even – but nothing worked. Takao Kazunari deliberately ignored Midorima’s superior knowledge in the matter, as well as his judgment, and continued to spread false information among the student body, as unprofessional as it was. What was even worse, he did that without grammatical correctness.

Personally as well, based on the information Takao had offered voluntarily for no reason at all, he was just as insolent a person as Shintarou has predicted him to be. He seemed crude, frivolous, and unambitious outside of his preferred field of study, but someone who thought horoscopes were “just for fun,” couldn’t be a valuable member of society.

He decided to seek help with Kise – his pathetic infatuation with the chief editor of the university’s newspaper would finally come in handy, instead of being nothing more than a hindrance and a constant source of migraine. As a student of medicine, Midorima had no actual contact with students of humanities, except for Kise, who was going from now on serve as a bridge between Shintarou and his nemesis.

“I need you and your girlfriend to help me ambush him,” he stated.

Kise whimpered. “ _Stop_ calling her that! And there’s no way I’m helping you with your weird crusade. Just stop reading the paper already, Midorimacchi!”

“Useless,” grunted Midorima, clicking his tongue. “Very well then. Ask your girlfriend for his schedule and I will ambush him myself.”

“Stop calling her that!” yelled Kise, suddenly red in the face and far more angry than Shintarou had ever seen him. “I’m going out!”

He left, slamming the door in order to prove a point, undoubtedly. Midorima didn’t understand what was Kise’s issue. He certainly _wanted_ Kasamatsu Yukio to be his girlfriend – why else would he follow the poor girl around like a lost puppy?

Granted, they studied the exact same course, which could be beneficial in itself but, somehow, Shintarou was unable to imagine Kise using their relationship for scholarly reasons. The only logical conclusion was that the fool was in love and trying to wear his senpai down until she was too exhausted to refuse his advances.

Before Midorima could realize what a complete waste of time it was to think about Kise’s love life, the man in question came back to their dorm room, wearing a dejected pout. Shintarou raised an curious eyebrow, which only deepened Kise’s pitiful scowl.

“It’s cold and it’s not good for my skin,” he explained reluctantly. “I’m gonna sulk here instead. Don’t talk to me, Midorimacchi.”

Shintarou nodded curtly and watched with indifference as Kise crossed their room and flopped down on the bed. Midorima rolled his eyes – people like Kise made him uncomfortable because they never said what they meant and expected others to ask. And more importantly, Cancers had extremely low compatibility with Geminis, which only added to the general dislike he felt towards his roommate.

He wished he had been roomed with a Scorpio – he had the highest compatibility with them. He immediately regretted the thought, remembering that it was Takao Kazunari’s zodiac sign and he felt cheated by fate again. He frowned then, realizing with dread that the menace plagued his mind even in the most unsuspecting moments, which was beyond frustrating.

“Kise,” he blurted out, rolling his eyes at the surprised yelp from the other side of the room. “Entertain me.”

Kise started laughing hysterically, which gradually turned into even more hysterical sobbing. For a while, Shintarou endured this passive-aggressive cry for attention with no more than a nervous twitch to his brow, but the irritating noises wouldn’t stop, causing Midorima to snap.

“Fine! What is it! What happened! Tell me! Just stop this wailing!”

Kise sat up, still sniffling while wiping his face, and looked at Shintarou with wide, pleading eyes. He bit his lip, considering his choice of words, which Shintarou appreciated, considering how easily irritated he tended to be by Kise’s careless rambling. He waited, rubbing his temple, as Kise took a deep breath.

“I’ve made a horrible mistake, Midorimacchi!” he shouted finally. “I asked Yukiocchi to an exhibition in the newly opened gallery!”

Midorima frowned in confusion. “Isn’t it a good thing?” he asked, before he could stop himself from indulging in idle conversation.

“No, it’s a terrible, terrible thing! You have to come with us, Midorimacchi! I don’t want Yukiocchi to think I think it’s a date! Please, please, please!”

Midorima rolled his eyes; what an incorrigible drama queen. How did Kise expect to ever move his relationship with Kasamatsu to another level if he kept acting like a scared child? And why in the world Shintarou even cared? He was clearly constantly thrown off balance by the fact that fate was testing him, by sending him both Kise Ryouta and Takao Kazunari. Kise whimpered again, pulling Midorima out of his thought.

“What’s in it for me,” demanded Shintarou unceremoniously.

Kise’s lit up. “Anything you want! I will clean your side of the room for a week! No, a month! I will do anything you ask, Midorimacchi!”

Midorima hummed, suddenly interested in the opportunity presenting itself to him. He smirked slyly, his faith in destiny restored, and nodded magnanimously, holding his hand out in protest before Kise could throw himself at him in gratitude.

God proposes, man disposes…

 

* * *

 

 

You have to come with us, she said. I don’t want Kise to think I think it’s a date, she said. Well, now it was definitely a date – a double date.  Takao tried to hide his pained grimace as he was faced with a ridiculously tall guy in glasses, holding a sports magazine, who looked even more uncomfortable than Kazunari felt. He turned his head to the side just in time to see Kise pale as he gaped with his eyes wide.

“Uh… Yukiocchi… You brought Takao-kun…”

Kasamatsu-san flushed, but raised an eyebrow in a challenge. “Is that a problem?”

Before Kise could answer, Kazunari noticed his tall friend flail wildly with an undignified yelp. He raised an eyebrow himself, facing the guy who was pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“You!” he shouted.

“Me?!” repeated Takao, startled into involuntary panic.

“Midorimacchi, please…” Whined Kise at the same time.

Takao’s eyes widened, a delighted grin splitting his face. “Shin-chan?!”

He watched Midorima blush and scowl angrily, just like he had always imagined him do when Kazunari used the nickname. This was absolutely the best thing that have ever happened to him – he began to lose hope he would ever meet this amazingly crazy person that, unexpectedly, brightened his everyday life with his inexplicable passion for horoscopes.

Kasamatsu-san begged them to play nice, and Takao was happy to comply. Excited to finally get to know Shin-chan in person, he started following him, undeterred by the stormy expression he was wearing as he pointedly stayed deaf to all of Kazunari’s friendly inquires. Kise and Kasamatsu went off by themselves, and Takao started getting really bored after a while of being ignored like that.

“Come on, Shin-chan,” he said with a sigh. “Kasamatsu-san said to be civil.”

Midorima scoffed. “I _am_ being civil.”

“By not talking to me? Whoa, you must really hate me, Shin-chan~”

“I do. And stop calling me that.”

Takao laughed. Ah, that was the Shin-chan he knew and loved. He hummed, pretending to look at a random exhibit, while he kept watching Midorima with the corner of his eye. He looked so angry it was nearly impossible for Kazunari to hold back a chuckle – he had no idea Shin-chan felt so strongly about him, how flattering. Granted, Takao didn’t expect those feelings to be so negative, seeing as Kazunari himself took quite a liking to Midorima, but what could he do.

Their weird correspondence was the highlight of Takao’s day, not that he particularly like being insulted, but Shin-chan was absolutely hilarious in his vehemence, and the more he tried to persuade Kazunari to change his errand ways, the more Takao wanted to keep aggravating him; that was just how he worked. He did check out that Oha Asa of his, and sometimes deliberately wrote something completely opposite, just to get a furious email from outraged Midorima.

“Say, Shin-chan,” he started conversationally. “Why do you care so much about zodiac signs of all things? I always meant to ask you this.”

Midorima was silent for a long while, clearly debating whether to talk to Kazunari at all. “A fraud like you would never understand.”

“Probably~” admitted Takao with a laugh that was only a bit bitter. “We could probably ditch them at this point, you know. I bet they forgot we’re even here. Wanna grab a bite?”

“I’d rather starve.”

Kazunari snorted. “I must admit, you’re much less caring and romantic than I painted you to be~”

“How dare you!” spluttered Midorima in a hushed voice, flushing. “That! That was the single most inaccurate description of a Cancer I have ever seen! You should be ashamed of yourself! You have fabricated every single word! Why are you grinning like an idiot?!”

“You’re talking to me~”

Midorima blinked, startled. “You’re insane.”

“May be, but not as much as you, mister _ultimate freak_ ~”

He watched with glee as Midorima’s face turned beet red, offended so much that Takao half-expected steam to start coming out of his ears. He nudged him in the side and started walking again, motioning for Shin-chan to follow him. Midorima did, reluctantly, and they walked around in a rather comfortable silence, oddly, until the stumbled upon something probably neither of them had ever anticipated to witness.

“Uh,” grunted Shin-chan awkwardly.

Kise and Kasamatsu pulled away, both flushed and panting, and Kazunari had to cover his mouth to stifle a laugh. Midorima looked appalled, as if the mere sight of people kissing offended his delicate sensibilities, and it only made Takao laugh harder when he remembered he described Cancers as people who “perfected sex.” Suddenly, Kasamatsu-san, face red and jaw clenched in embarrassment, shoved at Kise before kicking him in the shin and storming off, leaving the poor guy to whine dejectedly.

“Ah, I should probably go after her,” muttered Kazunari, causing to whimper. “Or, you? You could go? That could work too? Is he crying? Did I make him cry?”

“His own pathetic existence made him cry,” decided Midorima. “Just leave him here to wallow in self-pity, that’s what he does best.”

“Cold, Shin-chan!” he drawled, watching with the corner of his eye as Kise finally picked himself up and moved to follow Kasamatsu, undoubtedly. “I’m starting to see for myself that I might have been wrong about Cancers…”

Midorima scoffed, fixing his glasses. “Of course. Very well. It seems that our unexpected encounter wasn’t in vain, despite me being completely unprepared. I expect you to revise your-”

Takao didn’t let him finish, covering Shin-chan’s mouth with his hand and grinning wickedly. Midorima’s eyes widened, his cheeks coloring slightly, and his mouth stopped moving immediately. He waited until they were alone and stepped into Midorima’s personal space. Slowly, he took his hand away, his grin getting bigger at the sight of Shin-chan’s livid expression.

“You better shut up Shin-chan,” he said in a low voice. “Or else I’m gonna have to get creative about occupying your mouth and we may just find out how much of an _amazing kisser_ you are~”

Predictably, Midorima spluttered indignantly. Predictably, Kazunari laughed.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [I Never Thought I'd Live to See the Day (when everybody's words got in the way)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9285533) by [DoomedTemperament (orphan_account)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/DoomedTemperament)




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